Tuesday, October 21, 2014

What Bambi Wants

Bambi is a sub-personality. She is not real. She is a fiction.
And it, Bambi has real desires. Real needs. When it comes to purses, Bambi is an animal.

What would it take to get Bambi moving in the direction of the boudoir? This would be, as they say in curatorial circles, a good entry point. Purse as metaphor.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

LEGERE DAZZLE gel manicure at Breeze

Many of you have asked about my brilliant new manicure invention "Legere Dazzle." I developed this sparklingly original style with the help of my Korean friends at "Breeze" Nail Salon on Second Avenue and I forget. I think it's 3rd Street.
Thank Goddess for Obsessive Compulsive disorder!These adorable Korean Dolls are paid by me, Bambi Bernstein, to spend over two hours painstakingly applying Gel glitter in the French style to my long, tapering claws.

If you want to copy me I have instructed Karen and the gang not to serve you unless you ask for my trademark Legere Dazzle in Korean: So...Get Ready Gurl! 
Take a deep breath, stick out your chest and say,

"Give me the Legere Bahn-Jah-Geeeee!"

BTW I hope you are as rich as Bambi Bernstein because this shit is expensive.

but it is worth every penny....  I play the piano 4-6 hours a day, pounding pounding pounding on that gel, then I work on cars.... and do some other things with my fingers we can talk about later...but let me tell you this gel stays FLAWLESS! It's the greatest thing since pitch correction.

See how happy I am? I love Asian culture. As I always say, If you want something done right, ask a Korean.
.  Here you see me analyzing the shapes of Eagle feathers for a certain Mobile Sculpture
that you will be hearing about very soon if you follow Branding Bambi Bernstein....


I regret having ignored this blog in favor of some other things that were kind of more compelling than this binary bitch rant....Like the death of my mother, my father... the disembowelment of my love life plus my car caught on fire, my ceiling fell in, the end of my career was followed by a wrenching aborted comeback that was quickly  followed by another plunge into oblivion etc etc etc.
But DONT feel sorry for me.  Gentle followers..I am now in recovery from double dementia and insanity: 



I felt a little depressed so I edged over to the Tom Ford counter for some emergency super-grooming from "Buffy Hernandez." She is one of Tom Ford's favorite makeup artists. You see she has transformed Bambi from a miserable hag into a
massively attractive and fuckable Fifth Avenue slut.  Why waste money on drugs and champagne when you can throw your money away on the only thing that really works: makeup.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I am so in love with this designer! He so gets it! Intelligent, organic, green design!

Tell me what you think!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


blogging from the Eastern Inaugural Ball...

Many of you have asked what Bambi is wearing tonight.
Naturally I am in full Loehmans.....a Squilliante One Shoulder silk gown. What makes it really special is that I gave myself a "Las Vegas" yesterday morning.


You simply remove every hair on your body below your neck. (Turgid gives me a bullet to bite on) Then take those little Swaroski stick on jewels and, deftly using your superlong fingernails, make a heart that encloses your "little friend" (sometimes know as "the eroto-genital region.")

Will you copy this idea immediately? If you have any brains you WILL. Remember, you don't have to be 100 percent better than your competition, you just have to 10 percent better.

PRODUCT NOTE: I get my STICK ON SWAROWSKIS at the store that most closely resembles an orgasm: M and J Trimmings.

You can buy loose jewels at M and J and apply with lash glue, or you can get the stick ons at RICKY'S.

Back to the Ball

Friday, January 16, 2009


Bambi is not real. She is a minor sub-personality - a fiction. And yet, paradoxically, Bambi has real desires. Real needs.

I hear you asking yourself, what is the best way to get Bambi moving in the direction of the boudoir?

Yves Saint Lauent Croc Muse in Fuschia and Blue...You've Got Bambi's attention now! This would be, as they say in curatorial circles, a good entry point.

And I think you can be assured of a mouthful of Bambi's Hotter Than Hell Armageddon A Go Go Hot Sauce if you show up with one of these:


When Bambi attended Shiksadrome University in Poughkeepsie New York she learned that a PURSE is Semiotic signifier for the WOMB.
And that's why she needs an Alligator Purse. Snap! Snap!