Tuesday, November 11, 2008


First you have to LOVE who you REALLY are. Do not compare yourself to the models in Vogue Magazine. They have been created to Undermine your confidence and "dopefiend" you into spending your money on clothes, makeup and plastic surgery. Don't do it. I can't even see you and I can assure you.... my nose is bigger than yours is.

But men and women think I am "gorgeous." Why? Because I am having a GOOD time almost all the time.

When you are single, and you walk into a restaurant, the host or hostess may say, "How many?"

Formerly, I felt very shitty and guilty as I sheepishly replied, "Just one."
And the bitch or bastard would repeat my words, disappointed, but unable to actually turn me away.
They picked up the menu, looked me over like I was a ghost or worse, repeated the words "Just one." and led me to some miniscule table by the men's room.

BUT NOW I have Machismo/Feminismo!

When the bitch or bastard says "How many?" I say,

"ONE!" in a loud voice. "ONE!" I repeat, " But I eat a LOT of food and I'm a BIG tipper!"
Everyone laughs. Everyone is my friend. And the waitress fawns on me all night.

And even though I'm one of the cheapest people in the world I do leave an extra dollar - because what's more important - a great experience or a lousy buck?

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